Why Women Over Fifty are Staying Single

I’ve always been of the opinion that women who suddenly become single over the age of fifty, tend to cope much better than men. My own Mum was in her fifties when she became divorced and single. She never really found love again and was happily single until she passed away at 91 years of age.

Whilst men are still chasing women around the nursing home, women tend to be content joining clubs, pursuing hobbies and travelling. After years of marriage and being tied to one man, we enjoy our new found freedom.

According to research, a growing number (57%) of us (women and men), are enjoying being single after the age of fifty. In fact, among those of us who have experienced divorce or separation, nearly half (46%) of us prefer to stay single and just over 1 in 10 (12%) prefer to stick to casual relationships ~ Source: Australian Seniors

Main Reasons Women Over Fifty are Single

Loss of spouse due to death and grey divorce are the two most common reasons for women being single after fifty. However, divorce is caused by a variety issues within the marriage. These may include:

• Empty shell marriage leading to loss of communication and connectivity.
• Living separate lives to pursue individual interests.
• Infidelity, where one person has extra-marital affairs.
• Leaving a long term marriage to rediscover oneself.
• Moving states or countries to start a new life.
• Domestic violence and coercive control.
• Money conflicts and differing financial goals, particularly where there is hidden debt.
• Substance abuse or gambling, where one person’s addiction leads to the breakdown of the marriage.
• Lack of intimacy in the marriage.
• Health issues, either mental or physical.
  

When there are issues within a marriage they often become more prevalent in the latter years. Once children have left the nest, couples have retired from work and you are spending more time as a couple. After this occurs many of the underlying issues come to the surface and women start questioning why they are staying in an empty shell marriage.

Why do Woman Stay in Unhappy Marriages After 50

From what I’ve learned, most women stay in an unhappy marriage out of fear. Fear of loneliness, fear of starting over, fear of financial consequences, fear of losing friends and family, fear of the unknown. Women tend to have this mindset that they should be grateful for what they have and that wanting more is selfish or unrealistic. Settling for mediocrity within a marriage is what we’ve been led to believe is a comfortable compromise and a way to avoid the discomfort of change. 

In my own case, I spent years basically being bullied and controlled by my spouse. I believed that I needed to stay in the marriage because what else could I do at my age. Also, I kept thinking that he would change and that our problems within our marriage were fixable. Ultimately I felt trapped in this cycle of receiving breadcrumbs from a man that I don’t believe had the capacity to love anyone.

If anyone were a test case for a loveless and unhappy marriage, then I was the prime example. For years I put up with his behaviour simply because I thought I had to endure the mental abuse. Being too frightened to cause any waves and mostly being too frightened to confront the truth of my own unhappiness. I think this is a common thread amongst married women of my age.

What does Single Life Over 50 Look Like

There is a misconception that when women are suddenly single at this stage in her life, that they will suffer from loneliness. Becoming untethered from the restraints of an unhappy marriage and years of service to a man can be liberating. For many there is a new found freedom that comes with being single again.

Most women that I know that are single at my age have full lives with many new hobbies, playing sports, becoming members of clubs and meetups, and getting out and about with their other single friends. They don’t seem to be too bothered by the fact that they no longer have a partner.

My adult kids are always remarking that I am a busy woman, with many friends and many interests. They applaud me for keeping fit and active, engaging in sports and travelling around the world. Although, I think they sometimes worry about how I will cope in the future as I get older, they are unbothered about my single status for now.

I have single friends that get themselves a dog or a cat for companionship. However, there are others that get back into the dating scene. There are dating apps where women of any age can put themselves out there looking for love. Some women, I’ve heard, have been successful in meeting a new man, whilst others are still looking for the right one.

Why Women are Ditching Dating Apps

I’ve heard many sad stories from women that have tried dating apps and unfortunately none of them shine a positive light on online dating. In fact, many of my friends have reported that men are often on these dating apps just looking for casual hook ups. There are also a lot men on these apps that are scammers and are there to try to fleece you.

Sure, I have heard of some successful relationships being formed via these dating apps. But from my point of view the negatives outweigh the positives. The fact that sexagenarian and septuagenarian men behave like they’re young studs on these apps is disconcerting. It appears to me that this is a form of misogyny and incredibly demeaning to women who are genuinely on these dating apps looking for companionship and love.

There are even allegations that some dating apps are actually programmed to make you fail at finding a suitable match. They simply want your money and want to keep you on the app for as long as possible.

So, there are now better ways of meeting men. There are things like singles meet ups, speed dating events, singles events such as “singles only lawn bowls”, singles group tours or cruises, and an app called Stitch, that is a social community for people over the age of 50.

Pieces of Advice for Single Women Over 50

Now more than ever, this is the time in your life to make it the best life that you can. Definitely grieve the loss of your partner, but don’t allow it to hold you back for too long. Here are some sage pieces of advice that may help:

1. Stop treating life like a waiting room. Start to live now.
2. Make ordinary days special. Treat yourself to a coffee, buy yourself flowers and splurge on something nice.
3. Only invest in friendships where you feel supported, loved and cared for.
4. Give yourself things to look forward to, like lunch or dinner out with a friend, a road trip or a weekend getaway.
5. Learn to enjoy your own company and don’t allow it to stop you from going to places or trying new things.
6. Celebrate your wins, even if they’re small.
7. Don’t allow the old person to creep inside you. Keep yourself young and vital.
8. Make your home your haven. Surround yourself with nice things that make you happy.
9. Find some interests and hobbies that captivate you to take your mind off being single.
10. If you really want to take that trip do it alone. Don’t wait for someone to do it with.
11. Spend less time worried about who’s following you on social media and invest this time into what interests you.
12. Don’t compromise on your values or ethics. Stay true to yourself.
13. Protect your peace and find a calming place to retreat to when life gets stressful.
14. Practice gratitude for all the good things that you already have in your life.
15. Stop focusing on finding a new man. This is not necessarily going to bring you happiness.
16. Take very good care of yourself. Particularly your body, your mind and your finances.

Remember, that the most fulfilled women aren’t always the ones who found love. Sometimes they’re the women who stopped waiting for life to begin and started enjoying the one they already had.

Strong women aren’t born. They come from the storms they walk through.