Don’t Tell Me I Look Good For My Age!

One of my pet hates is when someone says “she looks good for her age”! I have even been guilty of saying this myself when I refer to an ageing Hollywood actress or celebrity. I have overheard other women commenting on their sisters and saying the same thing. But generally in an envious way.

I guess the 20 million dollar question is “how are we supposed to look at a certain age”? Are we really in a contest with other women as to who looks the youngest? Are we going to enjoy our lives more if we look younger than our years? Why is there such a focus on looking younger anyhow? So please don’t tell me I look good for my age!

At my stage of life I would prefer to be complimented on my intellect, my interesting conversation, my ability to paint a watercolour or on my writing skills. I would prefer to spend my time in my reformer pilates class trying to keep my body limber and relatively strong, than being skinny. I want to be able to enjoy my grandkids and be able to be fit enough to play a game with them. I would also rather spend some time trying to make myself look nice with a new dress and some subtle makeup. Not trying to be “mutton dressed up as lamb”!

Stereotyping Ageing Women

The definition of ageism is prejudice or discrimination against people based on their age. It can be something insidious like being overlooked when being served in a shop, or a more serious issue such as being rejected on a job application based on your age.

The media tends to stereotype women of a certain age as being “former beauties” that have maintained their ageless elegance. Look at women like Nicole Kidman, Cher, Helen Mirren, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meryl Streep, Demi Moore, Halle Berry, and Madonna. They all look great. You would never guess that these women are mostly aged in their 50s, 60s or even 70s.

Nowadays, there tends to be more pressure placed on women as they enter their midlife to try to look younger than their years. The cosmetic beauty industry is making a killing out of facial injectables, fillers, fake eyelashes and permanent brow shaping. Even young women are utilising these cosmetic procedures to try to enhance their beauty.

I have witnessed women of my age, in an attempt to turn back the clock, plumping out the wrinkles on their faces with collagen or Botox injections, with very dramatic effects. In some cases I feel the woman I’m looking at is nothing like her former self. Too much cosmetic intervention can sometimes be too face-altering.

I see women of my age dying their hair every six weeks in an attempt to hide the grey hairs coming through. Many of them looking much older because of the harsh coloured dyes they are using. Instead they could be embracing their new silver highlights, with the help of their hairdressers, to achieve a much softer look.

Then I also notice women that pound themselves at the gym with relentless exercising to try to keep themselves trim and toned. When really more gentle exercises like walking, swimming, pilates and yoga would be much more beneficial for their bodies. We all should realise that as we age a few extra kilos and some curves are much more flattering that a skinny scrawny body. Being too thin can make us look haggard as we get older.

Why Are Women Trying To Look Younger

My question is what is wrong with looking our ages and accepting the signs of age? What is wrong with allowing your hair to have soft silvery highlights; your face having creases and lines that show that you have laughed and cried; and your body, that was once toned, transforming into some soft round curves?

Is it peer pressure and the media pushing these images at us of ageing women looking much younger than their years? Or is about trying to stay young and supple for the men in our lives? I mean to say, men are never judged on their wrinkles, their grey hair or their expanding waistlines. They are regarded as being distinguished looking or “grey foxes”.

I believe that there is societal pressure on women to retain their youthful appearances. We have been brainwashed to think women are only worthwhile and successful if they are beautiful. Body image is everything! We are reminded every single day that our bodies should be reed thin and toned.

I recall being one of those women who was continuously on a diet trying to achieve a slim figure when in reality I was not blessed with this type of body. I have always been on the curvy side. But years and wisdom have made me accept my body shape.

At the other end of the spectrum is the concept that “50 is the new 40”, and so on. We have progressed as far as healthy ageing goes, due to advancements in healthcare, public health, nutrition and living standards. We are generally ageing better and keeping our minds and bodies healthier as we age compared to half a century ago.

If you compare a photo of a 50 year old women today to a 50 year old woman from the 1950s, it is obvious that women look younger. Let’s face it, life was tougher for women 70 years ago. They gave birth to more children, worked tirelessly as housewives and mothers, and did not have good healthcare or exposure to regular facials, sunscreens, personal trainers and advanced skincare creams.

Research has confirmed this fact. There has been significant differences in ageing, with more recent generations being biologically “younger” than those from decades ago. Some of the reasons for this is due to improved protection from the sun, the decline in smoking, a better standard of living, and reduction in infectious diseases.

Ageing Gracefullly

Ageing gracefully is about living your best life as you age. It is about keeping our minds and bodies active and accepting the obvious outward signs of ageing as we get older. By maintaining a healthy lifestyle, surrounding ourselves with people we love, and doing things that bring you joy. These are the secrets to longevity and happiness.

My tips for ageing gracefully are:

• Keep your brain active by continuing to learn new things, undertaking courses, reading books, and taking up new hobbies.
• Be social by maintaining healthy friendships and keeping in contact with your family.
• Move your body in some way every day. Moderate exercise is integral to healthy ageing.
• Eat healthy and in moderation. Limit alcohol intake. Give up on fad diets.
• Protect your skin from the harsh sun by always wearing sunscreen, a hat, protective clothing, and by limiting sun exposure.
• Get plenty of sleep.
• Reduce stress in your life. Don’t dwell on the small stuff. Seek professional help if required.
• Always have something to look forward to. Overseas holidays, road trips, visiting friends and family, attending shows and concerts, playing and watching sports – are just some examples.
• Volunteer your services to one of the many worthwhile charities.
• Retain a young mindset by keeping up with technology, latest trends, engaging with the younger generation and watching podcasts.
• Keep romance alive. Indulge in regular sex to keep you young and vital.
• Have regular health checkups and keep on top of medical issues.

Sure, as we age there are new challenges that come as a result of losing muscle and physical strength, having slower cell replacement, losing bone mass, our brains not processing information as well, and our reflexes not being as sharp. But overall we can counteract all these signs of ageing by keeping fit and active.

Ageing and Self Acceptance

In a perfect world it would be wonderful to see more acceptance and less discrimination against the elderly. Education is paramount for the new generations to stop stereotyping the elderly and to start appreciating their valuable contributions to society. Although we might look old, there is still a lot of experience and knowledge that we are able to impart to the younger generation.

It would be great to see more elderly role models that have refused cosmetic intervention and have embraced ageing naturally. It would be welcoming to see more “natural” aged women in the media and taking on roles in movies and TV shows.

Being accepting of the ageing process and not trying to make ourselves appear younger at the expense of looking ridiculous. Being realistic about our boundaries and not trying to prove that we are younger by being a slave to a strict exercise regime and diet. Giving ourselves a break and embracing our grey hairs, our wrinkles, those few extra kilos, and our “senior moments”.

But by embracing the ageing process, I’m not insinuating that you give up on exercise, eating healthily, taking care of your beauty regime, dispensing with makeup, or dressing dowdily. It is still very important to look your best by keeping active, keeping up with fashion, having your hair styled, using beauty products and trying new makeup trends.

I believe the secret to living a happy and healthy life into our golden years is to accept how we look in the mirror. Ignore those images of older women who look much younger, and learn to love who you are. This is the time in our lives where we can be ourselves and not be worried about what other people think of us. We have earned our right to be “old” and we no longer need anyone’s approval.