Living a Solo Life After Divorce

This year, after being separated for almost 18 months, I found myself suddenly divorced. Yes it was made official. My marriage of 38 years was finally legally terminated. So what has changed for me after this conclusiveness? Well, nothing really. Living a solo life after divorce has pretty much continued as before.

Although, I have endured another tumultuous year of not as yet having a place to call my own, I am finally living in the townhouse that I co-own with my ex-husband. At least until it sells, and I’m able to buy my own property. Having a place and my own belongings around me has definitely impacted on my happiness. It is definitely better than living out of a suitcase.

What Did Divorce Mean for Me

Irretrievable breakdown of marriage, is the legal term of why most married couples seek a divorce. In the eyes of the Family Court, you only need to satisfy them of two things to apply for a divorce:

1. Proof that the marriage has broken down for a continuous period of not less than 12 months.
2. There is no reasonable likelihood that the parties will get back together.

This is evidenced by a twelve-month separation immediately preceding the date of the filing the application for divorce.

It was my ex-husband who instigated divorce proceedings as he wanted everything to be final. I was a little hesitant about it because I felt that it was just a piece of paper. I think in most cases couples divorce so that they can re-marry and that is certainly not on my horizon.

Once I signed the divorce application papers and they were lodged, it took one month and one day for it to be legal. I actually never knew exactly when it was going to be legal so I never marked the occasion with any sort of remorse or celebration. It happened and I heard about it a few months later.

A few months on, I feel liberated and somewhat relieved that I’m no longer married to a man that betrayed me and caused me to lose myself.

How to Find Yourself Again After Divorce

If only I had known the actual date of my divorce, I would have thrown a party and kicked up my heels. Maybe I would have thrown darts into an enlarged image of my ex or sent him a congratulatory text. But for me the cleansing began when I rid myself of every single photo of him on my phone. With every photo there came a memory and some of them were very bad memories.

I poured myself back into my writing and found my words were flowing so much more freely. I moved to another town for 6 months and lived with a good friend. It was a great idea to get away from the town where I lived with my ex. It was also good for me to have female companionship and not be alone to dwell on things too much.

Travel was as always on my agenda. I spent 5 weeks in Italy in May/June this year and actually joined a women’s small travel group exploring Sicily. I then travelled around the southern part of Italy with an acquaintance of mine for a few weeks, but also spent some time solo.

I discovered that I liked my own company and embraced living alone. It was a relief not to be controlled by another person and for the first time I was completely in charge of my own life. I started to feel like I got my own identity back and that I could be myself again.

I completely changed my diet, finding out that I was allergic to cow’s milk. I made healthy meals that I enjoyed and I found more time to exercise with long walks and pilates classes. I continued to play lawn bowls socially and enjoyed meeting new people. I really started to feel much healthier and alive.

As a bonus, I was invited to join a “Mega Famil” trip to Chongqing in China in November with Wendy Wu Tours. It was an amazing and fast-paced week-long trip that completely altered my opinion of travel to China.

What the Future Holds for Me as a Solo Woman

It’s a little bit like “watch this space” because at the moment I am living temporarily in my townhouse until such time that it sells. I’m predicting that my time here will be short and I will be looking for my own property early next year.

I am expecting a grandson any day soon so this will certainly bring me a lot of joy. This will be number three grandchild and the first for my daughter who lives in Sydney. So I’m going to have an extra little person in my life to love and spoil. Being a grandmother is one of life’s biggest joys.

Travel for me next year consists of two short trips. One to The Philippines on a three island tour. The other to Borneo experiencing the wildlife and tropical beaches. These trips are with group tours, so I won’t be travelling completely solo.

I still have a bucket list that I’m working through. I am contemplating a group tour to either Tanzania or South Africa embarking on an animal safari adventure. I can’t really decide between the two African countries at the moment.

I have made the decision to try to get out more. Things like movies, going to shows or seeing some live music comes to mind. I recently went out with some girlfriends to see a band and we spent the night dancing to all of our favourite songs. It was an absolute blast.

What it Means to be a Woman Without a Man

People ask me all the time if there is going to be a future man in my life and whether I’m interested in dating again. My answer to this has been consistently “no”. I don’t feel the need for another relationship at present. Unless George Clooney comes knocking.

Have I found it challenging at times to not have a man around the home? Yes definitely. Have I missed having physical contact with a man and having someone to talk to about the trivialities of life? Yes for sure. I often feel sad that I don’t have a man in my life anymore. But I would prefer to be alone than live in a loveless marriage.

The sad reality is that the majority of men that are available are beer bellied, out of shape, balding, badly dressed, sexist pigs. No wonder women prefer to be single!

Many women try online dating, with some of them finding that special someone. However, it’s not something that I’m willing to risk. There seems to be an overwhelming majority of women on these platforms with only a small amount of reasonable candidates. Making the odds well and truly stacked against us ladies.

Becoming divorced at my age isn’t about rejecting men outright but about reclaiming the space to define myself on my own terms. I can’t even begin to imagine how I could have a successful relationship until I rediscover myself and work out how I want to spend the rest of my life. I believe that I’m still on a journey to find the woman that I once was, and the more I see of her, the more I like her.