The ‘Breast’ Thing



Boobs, tits, jugs, mammaries, fun bags, bazookas, bosoms, pointers, knockers, hooters, coconuts – call them what you like! Men seem to be obsessed with them and women either think they are too small, too big, too saggy, too unsymmetrical or too heavy! So what is the big deal with breasts? – all women have them and they are here for a very important purpose.

From the moment we start budding little breasts and our mums are taking us to Myers to get our first ‘training bra’ we seem to have a life time love/hate relationship with ‘our girls’.  Not many of us seem to be satisfied with what we have been given and we are lining up at Plastic Surgeons to have very costly breast enhancement or breast reduction procedures.

I have rather large breasts for a petite girl and I’m always reminded by friends and family that I am well endowed in the ‘boobies’ area. It doesn’t matter that some of my friends are very tall and their breasts are more proportionate with their body size or that some of them have no tits!  (I think they are just secretly jealous!)

It was only after I had my two children, who I very proudly breastfed, that my breast size increased.  Most women say their breasts go back to the pre-pregnant size – but in my case they stayed with me.




There are some disadvantages in having large breasts, such as:

  1. They are heavy and uncomfortable at times.
  2. I can’t sleep on my stomach because they get in the way.
  3. I can’t wear shoe string straps (unless I want to wear a strapless bra) because the bra straps on my 12DD’s are too wide.
  4. When I exercise I sweat under my breasts which leaves unsightly sweat marks on my t shirts.
  5. I can’t wear those lovely sexy lacy bras with the thin straps as they don’t come in my size.
  6. When I travel in my husband’s 4 wheel drive they jiggle around like ‘two mounds of jelly’ on a plate.
  7. I quite often have to go up a dress size to accommodate my ‘girls’.
  8. I’m worried that gravity is going to kick-in a lot earlier!

Years ago, when I was working for a particular establishment, I had a boss who used to talk to my boobs – he never looked me in the eye once!  It made me feel so self conscious that I eventually left that job.  Months later I saw that creepy little man in the bra section of Myer!  My suspicions were confirmed – he had a tit fixation!

I was watching a TV advertisement recently for sports bras and noticed that the two models they used to demonstrate the benefits of wearing this brand of bra had very small boobs.  I thought to myself “what’s the point in using them”?  They need someone with big jugs to really emphasise the fact that their bras stop the ‘jug jiggle’!  Seriously do they think we came down in the last shower!? Just put me in the 4 wheel drive in one of those bras and it will demonstrate the effectiveness of their ‘over-the- shoulder boulder holder’!


As for men’s obsession with women’s breasts – I don’t really understand it. Maybe they correlate breasts with being nurtured by their mother’s when they were babies and those memories (or should I say mammaries!) are the happiest of their lives!

I see photos of the very voluptuous Nigella Lawson, and I think “now there’s a fine set of knockers”! Like Nigella, I have learnt to accept my voluptuousness and don’t let it stop me from wearing what I want to wear or doing what I want to do.  I just think, as I’m rounding my girls up and putting them into my bra, “it’s the three of us against the world”!

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